Monday, June 15, 2009
Feeling fat today...
Do you ever say this? I do all the time and it's the worst thing you can do to yourself! I was feeling rather chunky today so I purposely wore a form fitting dress to prove to myself I wasn't. It didn't work I felt a little self-conscious. Some days are like this as we all know. The turning point for me was when a petite co-worker who always praises my weight loss asked me if my dress was a size 2! It was like striking gold. Eureka! I felt a wave of self-confidence that was extraordinary. I had to laugh knowing full well she was exaggerating with her question but the point was she was commenting on how small I looked to her. Self-doubt is so incredible and we are our own worst enemies. We can often be so critical of ourselves and see the slightest flaws that all the free world would over look. Why not just get dressed in the morning, give yourself a once over and say "I look great?" Too much like right! I guess we look for flaws, bulges, imperfections. This is especially hard when you are trying to lose weight or have lost weight and your mind can't grasp a new image. No matter how hard I tried I see the same 200+ pound person in the mirror and am always amazed when small sizes fit me and think the smallest bite of a "no-n0" food will pack all the weight I've lost back on my body instantly. For the longest time the only change I saw as I was losing weight was that my clothes were falling off, my sizes were decreasing and I looked smaller in pictures. I absolutely could not see it in the mirror. Sometimes I still have my doubts when I look in the mirror but I have to remind myself to relish in my victory of conquering the fat me once and for all and not to have a feeling fat day!
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...Here are my top 10 reasons to work-out: (1) the towel when exiting the shower now wraps completely around my body and I no longer have to grip the towel from falling and/or see the gap at the thigh area from where the towel will simply not fit over the hip and thigh area, (2) under no circumstances would I wear shorts out in public as my thighs rubbed together so much causing the shorts to rise up the crotch area while taking a simple stroll but, yesterday I wore a pair of Champion basketball shorts out in public to Target and the GYM and the rising no longer exist...OH WHAT A FEELING, (3) my thighs would rub together so much that my colleagues had a standing joke that they would hear me coming down the hall a mile off as my stocking would rub together so...I too would laugh it off and even turned my stockings inside out to cut down on the swishing sound of my thighs rubbing together but, NO MORE,...so amazing the great lengths we go through to CAMOUFLAGE THE FAT (4) when sitting in my vehicle I can now see the seat I'm sitting in as my thighs are not covering the entire seat anymore, (5) when riding the metro/subway, no longer do I pray for a tiny person to sit beside me for fear of anyone else noticing my hips and thighs covering the adjoining seat, (6) when visiting the movie theater, no longer do I raise one arm rest just to be seated comfortably, (7) when purchasing pants (...being 6') no longer do I have to purchase those 36" length pants as my hips are no longer raising those pants legs up off the ground but, I can now purchase a 34" pant length which are now dragging the ground, (8) when purchase blouses and t-shirts, no longer do I purchase those XL and XXL's to camouflage the BACK FAT and pouch after my son's birth but, I now purchase a large and sometimes medium depending on the cut to get and keep a visual of any problem areas I still may need to tone up, (9) being fit and healthy is so amazing and I am truly thankful for the ENERGY that I now have which I did not have before at 200+ lbs, (10) on a weekly basis I am bagging old clothes for a Women's Shelter and/or Value Village...OH WHAT A FEELING!! I am a true die hard Chuck Brown fanatic from back in the IBEX and Carter Baron days and his music is one thing that gets me off to an intense work-out in the gym with my MP3 blasting in my ears and no one ever knows, they simply see the sweat pouring (...I remember one session on the eliptical machine and fatt2fat said "you were grooving"...I was cracking up) I also have some Hezekiah Walker songs on my MP3 and Chubb Rock, Biggy Smalls, etc. that take me there...find your nitch and get it in gear...I don't care if you have to crack up inside from watching the guys in the gym with the muscle shirts on trying to out bench each other and IMPRESS US...whatever it takes. Fatt2fab asked for some feedback and this is mine...I pray that it was enough to motivate just one to start their regimen? We as Women are our own worst critics and I pray that some of the stories I've shared above were relatable and encouraging...this was a bit long but, I believe in keeping it real. My motto has always been "Each One Teach One". Sincerely, 6'& Sexy :o)
ReplyDeleteThis post described exactly how I am feeling today....for a few days to be honest! I have been on my weight loss journey for 3 years now and I cannot seem to reach my goal which is to be under 200 pounds. I work out at the gym 3 times a week and with a personal trainer once a week. Some days I want to give up but what I have already accomplished, gives me strength to press on. I keep reminding myself that 3 years ago I could not even shop in any other store other than Avenue and that was because their sizes went up to 32. I think about when I took my kids to amusement parks I couldn't get on rides with them because I couldn't fit...that is no longer the case. These are things that I should be very proud of...and I truly am! I just need constant motivation and inspiration to keep working hard.
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PRAISE YOU JESUS! I am so glad you responded/blogged. I told fatt2fab this morning that I hoped someone could relate to the struggles I had faced in the past and was finally able to get out in the open. I too can relate to the amusement park rides a couple of years ago when I would stand at the gate and send his Dad...who was thin enough to fit in the ride as I did not want to try and squeeze/smoosh my son...but, no more, that should have been my number (11) reason and my number (12) is that I would only shop on-line and/or Lane Bryant/Ashley Stewart during the day in public for fear of someone seeing me coming out of those stores in the evenings...listen to me, this was all a hot mess and as I said before...we are our own worst critics as God has declared us Proverbs 31 Virtuous WOMEN, uniquely created in his image but, we are of the flesh and we need to continue to share, uplift and encourage one another DAILY! To reach my under 200 lb weight loss goal and had to completely change my eating habbits by eating small meals every two hours e.g., fiber one bars, fruit, celery, etc. starting my day at 6am, salads for lunch and/or (per my trainer) my heaviest meal before 1pm and a light dinner. Not sure who Sexxy Tee is but I have free passes to Golds Gym in Bowie so, if you ever want to work-out together or ride bikes down haines point to accomplish your goal just let me know. I too want you to reach your goal and trust me, it is attainable. Sincerely, 6'& Sexy
ReplyDeleteWow, I don't know whether to laugh or cry. I completely understand and relate. It feels good just to get it out in the open because so many people especially women feel the same way. We all think it's a private struggle because we don't talk about it but many of us suffer through the same thing! Wow you guys truly keep me motivated
ReplyDeleteThanks for the feedback and relating to my struggle. 6'&Sexy...you actually do know me because we talked at length at the Partini. I am also a member at Golds in Bowie but I think we go at different times. Maybe I can work it out to come a little later a couple of days a week so we can work-out together. I AM ON A SERIOUS MISSION AND WILL NOT GIVE UP!!! I have to tell myself that everyday!! :)
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